That Flighty Temptress

"... Let us step out into the night and pursue that flighty temptress, adventure." - Albus Dumbledore, HP #6

So you know the scene in Tangled where Rapunzel is going bipolar about running away? 

This was definitely me at various points of my travel to Beijing:

Really though, I felt the most like Bilbo Baggins. Like Bilbo at the beginning of the Hobbit, there have been too many moments on this trip where I just sit ask myself: "What was I thinking? I'm actually going to China for four months. And I can't go home. Why did I ever leave my cozy little hobbit hole and venture out into the unknown? And why China of all places (which is a whole other post for another time)?"
But hopefully, like Bilbo, I will learn and grow and have incredible experiences to find that I have an adventurous spirit after all.

A few days ago, a friend asked me if I'd cried yet; I responded no, much to her surprise (as well as my own). I definitely got emotional a few times yesterday, but I don't think this has quite registered in my brain yet. It probably won't for another month either. Everyone keeps asking me if I'm excited, but I'll be honest: I'm terrified. If you know me at all, you'll know that I'm a planner. I agonize over the simplest choices, do too much research, and only take the most calculated risks, if I take risks at all. I am only truly adventurous if I know there's back-up, or an exit strategy, and yet, here I am, on a plane to a country I've never been to before, going where I can't speak/understand/read the language. The farthest I've traveled by myself is from Walla Walla to Seattle. Really, I don't think I could've picked a harder program for myself if I had tried. The classes I'll be taking don't even have anything to do with my major, distribution requirements, or future career plans. They're mostly humanities classes, in which I'll have to read 50-70 pages a night and write 8-10 page papers. I've only ever written one paper that long, and that was a history research paper from 8th grade. I also am severely allergic to writing papers; just ask anyone who's watched me do it.

So to combat this anxiety, here is a list: my musings about this upcoming semester (an attempt to prepare myself and make adventure seem a little less scary)

• It's ok if I don't fall in love with the country. It's even ok if I don't like it at all. I am not going for an extended vacation, I am going to push myself and to learn and grow and open my mind to different viewpoints. Even if it doesn't become my favorite place in the world, and my feelings about my host country shouldn't change the fact that this is a valuable experience that I won't regret. (Even if that means not singing a cappella at Chorale Contest, missing Senior Breakfast, Graduation, etc…)
• People will think I'm Chinese and try to talk to me in Chinese. I've accepted that. It will help my language acquisition. :)
• Pollution and terrible air quality. :(
• I am sooooo excited for the Lunar New Year! Although my dad tells me that Beijing will probably be empty with everyone going home. I wish I could go home for the Lunar New Year; it's been 3 years since I've celebrated it with my family.
• Food!
• I'll be turning 21 in China. I plan to celebrate with a mani/pedi, massage and KARAOKE BAR! WOOOO!!!
• Architecture! Site seeing! Parks!
• I'm excited to explore the arts scene: Peking Opera, museums, acrobats, but also classical opera and ballet.
• Will things actually be inexpensive?
• It's going to be so freaking cold. I'm shivering just thinking about it.
• I fully expect multiple breakdowns. I'll probably get really frustrated not being able to fully express my thoughts and not knowing what's going on because I can't read the signs. I'll probably get really frustrated because I have to write papers. But you know? It's all gonna be ok.