Finding the Beauty

At first glance, Beijing isn't really what you would call a beautiful city. For one thing, there are times when you literally can't see past all of the dirt and pollution. And even on a clear day, you really only see buildings of various heights crammed together on either side of the huge and chaotic street. Most of the buildings here are built for functionality and not for aesthetic value, which means that many of them are tall, have lots of windows, and are either tan or gray. It is not sleek or modern, even with construction happening everywhere, and the buildings are at different levels of up keep. I guess what I'm trying to say is that the city has been around for a long time, cobbled together under various influences, and it shows.

At Prince Kung's Mansion, beautifully restored
and preserved. I can't wait to revisit in the spring,
when the huge gardens will bloom with flowers.

Which doesn't mean that beauty does not exist, of course, only that you have to look a little harder for the beauty. The parks hidden around the city are beautiful, and in addition to the historical sites, sometimes building blocks have traditional, intricately painted and sculpted exteriors. It's sad that so much of the beauty and history of the city has been lost, but I suppose after all the power struggles and fighting and rapid urbanization that has taken place in this 3,000-year-old city, that's to be expected.
On Tuesday, Kaiser Kuo, a Chinese American who has been living in Beijing for over ten years and has become an important business man, writer/talk show host, and musician, came in to talk to us. When asked how he has thrived here in an environment that is so different from the one where he was raised and one that is often frustrating policy and politically-wise, his answer really struck me. He said that in addition to enjoying having a different opinion and going with the flow instead of complaining, he actively searches for the good and beauty of the people around him. I find that this has also been necessary for me so far.

The way my program works is that in addition to my afternoon Chinese class three days a week for the whole semester, I have three blocks. During each of those blocks, I have one class four days a week. Right now, we're in the introductory block, taking a class called Understanding China. We're taking ten days to cover the basic issues and history that has formed what we know as China today. And therein lies the struggle: China is a land full of contradictions. There are some wonderful things, and not so wonderful things, but even if I don't agree with what's happening, I can see why they're happening. I feel like for much of my life, because of my family background and heritage, my gut reaction is to summarily dismiss anything to do with communism. But I'm learning to understand, to step back objectively though it's hard. And not necessarily in the way you would think. I'm confronted with the mistakes America, the country I consider my own, has made, mistakes that go against the values it claims to have. I see that if we had better understanding  of China back then, the topics covered in this class would be immensely different. This is a class in which we're asking, what is modernization? Why does it have to look like westernization? What does it mean for China to be fully Chinese and fully modern? Which is the big question China doesn't even know yet, but has been trying to answer for the past few centuries with varying results.

So I sit in class, taking it all in, debating and discussing while my heart breaks. This country has had some pretty terrible things happen to it. Its people have done pretty terrible things to each other. And some pretty terrible things are still happening in it now. When I see the videos and propaganda labeling the west as evil imperialist powers, I'm get defensive because they misunderstand! But then again, we don't understand them either. And sometimes, I feel helpless because these problems are too big for me, too vast to even begin to tackle. These problems are affecting literally billions of people, and there is no easy way to fix them. So when I start to question why I'm here, in a place where things can seem so backwards to me, I look for the beauty. In a sea of unsmiling faces (to smile is to show discomfort), I look for reasons to smile, because when a Chinese person decides to open up, they will go a hundred extra miles for a stranger.
And if all else fails, I'll create some funny moments on my own:

I call this one: Four Whitties in Beijing with Matching Blue Puffy Jackets.

<3 Myks

P.S. Despite the more serious tone of this post, I am having a blast. Don't you worry. :)